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Two years since my last journal entry? Where does the time go?

Hi, all you lovely, lovely people! I'm still alive, still thriving and trying. Most importantly, I'm still writing. I completed that duology I talked about last journal, and I'm nearly finished with a stand-alone novel I've had cooking in my mind for sixteen years. Heh. That long? Sometimes I feel old. I'm not, but y'know how it goes.

I know I've been extremely inactive here. Working and writing uses up my spare time. I'm still working on two comics with MikoKa but we've been hit-or-miss on that, what with moving and job changes, and real-life concerns. I guess I'm still learning to balance my life and make the most of every day.

But I wanted you all to know I'm still here. I did clear all my notifications, as I felt overwhelmed by the number. But if you have any deviations you'd like me to check out, PLEASE share! I'd love to take a look.

How are each of you? Are you still active here, or like me, lurk more than post? I'm curious how many of you are around, so say hello if you're reading this.

And have yourself a marvelous, magical, fruitful day, yeah?

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I'm here. I'm alive. (Seems like everyone I watch posts a similar opening comment on their journals these days.) Life is fun, it keeps us busy, takes us places we don't expect. But I don't intend to leave dA. This is my social media of choice. I prefer art to memes any day. (Though memes are quite fun too.)

That said, I lurk more than post. People just don't read anymore, so I often fight discouragement when I post my chapters and receive little or no feedback. Don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful for those of you who DO read my prose (thank you!!) -- but I thrive on impressions and support. Who doesn't? When my prose meet silence, I wonder what the point of sharing is. I'm trying to break into publishing, but it's a long and arduous road, full of blocks and detours, and sometimes I wonder why I try. (This is every writer's struggle, I know.)

Writing the series that I've been trying to publish has become difficult. It's the story dearest to my heart, and so agent rejection hurts a little more than normal. That doesn't mean I'm giving up -- just that it's pretty hard. So I've stepped away from writing the last two books for a bit, while I continue to query the first one.

In the meantime I'm writing something new. Something different. Still fantasy, perhaps even more traditional than my usual fare, but different for ME. And it's uber fun! It carries real life history parallels, but with plenty of twists. It also has a UNICORN. (I love unicorns!) But still the thought occurs to me: will anyone read it? Apart from two faithful sisters who read everything I write, not even my family is as supportive as once they were. Maybe it's just, I've talked so long about being published, and it's never happened, so people have stopped believing in the possibility. Heck, I fight that fear sometimes...

Self-doubt is a frightening thing. I'm confident in my craft, and then suddenly I see every flaw, every shortcoming, every typo, and wonder WHY I ever thought I was any good. But the real question should be: Why do I doubt and disparage what I love? Do I write to be rich and famous? NO. I write because I have stories to tell and worlds to create and characters to weave. I write because I must. I could never give it up. Never. So why do I worry so much about it?

Minds are funny sometimes.

My dream is to be part of a small writing group. I've tried several times to join some, but the issue with a lot of writers is, they only care about their own stories. It becomes a competition: write the most words or the most books, win the most contests, attend the most conventions, receive the most attention. And feedback isn't reciprocated. All take, no give.

That's not how it's meant to work. I want to be with a group of writers to meet, read manuscripts, discuss them, encourage, dream, laugh and cry together. To be as passionate about one another's work as we are our own. To CARE about the DREAMS of ALL.

I've yet to find that. I wonder if I ever will.

In the meantime I'll keep writing. I'll keep trying to publish. I'll keep sharing my stories with those who might read them. Mostly, I'll write for myself -- because I must.

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It's been a loooong time since I've written a journal, and even then, the last one was a comic promotion. A lot's been going on, some good, some bad, and I don't wanna bore anyone. But if you're curious why I've not been on dA much in the past several months, here's the lowdown.

First, I've been working a LOT. Who isn't? But lately it's been getting in the way of even my writing, what with system changeovers and lazy co-workers. (I really don't like to complain, but when your boss gives you a raise to get you to stick around because she recognizes you're doing the work of three, as the other two ladies won't lift a finger if they don't have to...you know you're being overworked.)

But that's just part of it. The other part is, I found a new dentist. A really good one. He recognized an issue in my mouth and referred me to an oral surgeon and an orthodontist for consultations to determine how best to approach an issue with my teeth. Surgery or no surgery, that was the question.

Ultimately we came up with a plan to avoid surgery if at all possible. My lovely mouth, always so kind to me (note the sarcasm), has an open bite (not to be confused with over- or underbites). Ten years ago, surgery would be my only corrective course, but fortunately, there's now an alternative that involves TADs, braces, and, well, a whole lot of debt (but still less debt than surgery).

Basically, I can't bite with my front teeth. At all. Sheering food like a normal person is impossible for me, and my back teeth are being hammered every time I bite, and it's damaging them. It's also caused TMJ to develop. The TAD procedure, ultimately, is a matter of drilling screws into the roof of my mouth, hooking said screws to my back molars, and gradually forcing the molars higher up into my gums, thus lifting my back bite and eventually leveling everything.

In preparation for this, I had to get my wisdom teeth removed, which I'd been avoiding for several reasons (not the least being that I hate extractions. Do you blame me?). I finally bit the bullet and had them removed in May. Once healed, I went in for impressions, new x-rays, and a final Q&A.

Finally, this past week, I had the screws (TADs) placed, braces bonded, and off I go! This process all started back in March, and it's been one procedure after another (including a root canal and several fillings on top of the rest).

I take really good care of my teeth, at least I try to. Brush and floss and mouthwash and all that -- but crowding and genetics are kind of against me. The hardest part in all of this is, I already had braces for years and years during middle- and high school. But the orthodontist at that time felt that retainers weren't necessary, and my teeth eventually moved back out of place. Add to that my open bite issue, and it isn't a surprise that I have to start all over.

I guess the long and short of it all is, I've been silent here because I've been in pain. But now things are better, life is good, budgets have been made, and hopefully writing is back on the schedule.

Phew. That ended up longer than I thought. Thanks for reading!

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MikoKa and I have had so much fun immersing ourselves in the world of comicking, we wanted to delve even deeper. While LGTP? is a fun, comedic adventure with eccentric characters, we've both wanted to try our hand at something a little more serious and -- let's face it -- a lot more mature.

Going through my many novels and novel concepts, we at last chose to focus on a military sci-fi plot involving characters with, shall we say, a lot more weight? The protagonist isn't a fumbling teenager coming into adulthood, but rather a fully-grown war veteran trying to come to grips with reality. It also features interstellar warfare and lots of explosions. Eman, our main character, really likes explosions.

Did I mention it's a tad different from Paradise?



Plot: Eman of Arrow Clan has seen things no man ever should. Now he's in an asylum, fighting to regain his sanity. Dr. Tyy specializes in hard cases, and he's determined to help Eman recover. But when the warrior starts to tell his story, Tyy isn't prepared for the kaleidoscopic secrets about to be unleashed.

Starting every other Monday, Kaleidoscope will update on our AvianSkies account, as well as  Tapastic. I hope you give it a try and see what you think!